For Eternity
by the-eternity-angel
Summary: Chapter Thirteen Up My First Fic! John Cena propose to his girlfriend Emma only to have her turn him down. Why has Emma turned him down and what can he do to get her back? (Better then it sounds)
1. Default Chapter

They say that all girls remember that moment. That big one that changes your life forever and it was true. Later, she remembered everything almost in hyper detail. What song was planning on the jukebox in the corner, the smell of fries coming from the booth behind them and how the lights seemed dimmer then usual. Emma Flynn's shift had been interrupted by John, who'd almost run in and pulled her to an empty booth. She knew what was happening almost instantly. Her first thought, some what foolishly had been

"God, not now! Look at me!"

And she was a mess. A black eye decorated her face, and her uniform was dotted with grease stains. This wasn't how it was suppose to be.

"Emma, this whole thing made me realise that I could lose you." he began. "And I can't. I need you."

She felt awful for him. There he was, down on one knee and everything, he had a ring and people where looking at him. Emma was sure that if he actually sued the word 'marry' she might just die there and then. From the corner of her eye, she could see Angela leaning over the counter watching expectantly. This was going to be a proverbial car crash, which was ironic really.

"John." Emma whispered, leaning close to him because she didn't want anyone else to hear. "Don't."

"I need to."

"John, I can't marry you." she told him.

"So please don't do this."

"Why can't you?"

The moment of truth, now she had to tell him everything, all the things she had kept hidden from everyone. The words where on the tip of her tongue, but it was too hard. So Emma did what Emma was best at. She lied.

"Because I don't love you." She replied, somehow managing to catch the eye of a grey haired woman who had been watching the whole thing with a smile. "So get up, pretend you where looking for something and walk out of her like nothing had ever happened."

It sounded simple enough, all John had to do was leave the diner, and leave Emma. He did too and she sat at the table for a long time afterwards. The grey haired women was no longer smiling, she shook her head in a disapproving way and turned back around. Emma rubbed her tired eyes, ignoring the slight swelling on her face. Feeling it under her fingers reminded her of being in hospital and the smell of strong disinfectant. Emma hated hospitals. She suddenly became very irritable, her legs began to tingle, and she needed to move. She got up and quickly walked into the back room where the manager was totalling up some numbers.

"I'm going home." she said briefly and he accepted it without as much as a nod.On her way out, people stared and if she hadn't needed her job she would have given them all the finger. It didn't take long to get home and all the way there her mind was spinning. She'd heard of people saying they where physically sick when something bad happened, and up until now she hadn't believed them. Emma rounded the corner and John was waiting, sitting on the hood of his car. What had she expected?"You shouldn't be here." she told him."Probably not. But what have I got to lose?" He got up and stood right in front of her. There was no emotion on his face. He looked her up and down, the way she'd seen him eye an opponent in the ring."I never had you down for a liar Emma. Didn't think you where like that." She wasn't, but what could she say now."If that's what you needed to say that's fine." John laughed a little, but it wasn't real. He grabbed her arm and in one fluid motion pushed something into her hand and stepped back."Here. Keep it." John climbed back into his car, reversed and drove off. Emma didn't look in the box, she didn't need to. She knew the ring would have been beautiful and they would have had a wonderful life together. But it wasn't meant to be. Girls like Emma didn't marry men like John. Not with her whole history anyway. It may have all been in the past, but it was stopping her having a future. It always would and she accepted that a long time ago.  
  
A/N: So let me know what you though of my first effort. 


	2. The Morning After

Thank you to reyrey'sgirl , AnGeL BaBii , CeNaZLiLDiVa and REM4488

The early shift beckoned Emma to the diner the next morning at 6.30. There where two waitress' already there, sitting in a corner booth with the window open so they could smoke. Angela who'd been there the night before gave her a half hearted smile.

"Hey." she greeted.

Cassidy, who was sitting opposite Angela looked her up and down like she was dirt before saying: "Tell me you didn't turn John down?"

Emma rolled her eyes, she hated Cassidy and she wasn't in the mood. Throwing her bag down on the counter and shrugging off her jacket she nodded.

"Yes. I turned John down."

"Why?"

"How is that any of your business?"

Cassidy looked as though Emma had been out of order. "Jesus Emma! I was only asking!"

"Well she was only telling." Angela cut in. "Now get off your ass and make the girl a cup of coffee."

Stubbing out her cigarette, Cassidy slid out of the booth and stormed behind the counter. Emma took her place.

"I have to tell you, I never expected that. I thought you two where soul mates."

"There's no such thing." Emma replied. "Just illusion."

"Get real. You can fool everyone else but not me. I saw you two together all the time, you did love him and he must of thought so too to work up the courage to propose."

"Don't Angela. I really don't need this."

Angela shrugged a little. "I'll be damn surprised if John takes this just like that."

"He already did. I saw him afterwards last night, he said his piece and left."

Cassidy came back at the tail end of the conversation and set the tray with coffee mugs down. She laughed.

"However good you think your reason is Emma, we all think you're crazy and you just threw away the best thing in your life."

She knew it was true.

* * *

The memories from the night before came flooding back as soon as John opened his eyes. The humiliation of finding himself down in one knee in front of people he didn't know, only to be told it was all a lie. He still couldn't comprehend what had really happened, or Emma's reason. He didn't buy what she said for a second . He wondered what she was doing right then. Was she thinking of him or getting on with life as though it had all been normal? John could actually see her in his head, happily serving breakfast's to customers and refilling coffee. But the scene in his head was all wrong, firstly the bruise on Emma's eye wasn't there, so even if this happy scenario had happened, it had been awhile ago. The urge to go see her again was somewhere deep inside him, and it was strong. But he couldn't go see her, it was over now.

* * *

Her break came at eleven and she hadn't been standing outside the back door long when Cassidy came out, with a smile plastered across her face.

"You have a guest." she said.

Emma's stomach sank, not John, not John. She couldn't keep up her 'everything's fine' routine for much longer. It wasn't John, it was Shawn. Emma had the horrible feeling that her breakfast was going to end up on her shoes. This was far worse then seeing John.

"Hi." he greeted, just like they where old friends.

"What do you want?"

"Some time with your lovely self." He kicked a chair out for her. "Sit down."

Emma laughed. "like that's going to happen."

"You're right. We shouldn't even be talking. In fact, should John be 'breaking my neck' as we speak?"

"Leave him out of this." Emma warned.

"You're going to have to tell him one day, you can't keep up this lie."

"For your information Shawn, me and John are over so I don't have to tell him anything."

Shawn leaned over the table and grinned. It sent a shiver down her spine. "He knows doesn't he? That he was handling damaged goods."

He began laughing and Emma sat down. "Why don't you shut up before I jab this pencil in your eye?"

Shawn stopped and leaned back. "He doesn't know does he? Spoil my fun. What happened to your face?"

"Do you have a point?" Emma demanded loudly.

"It would have been six years yesterday."

She got up with such force the chair tumbled backwards and hit the floor. "Is that why you're here? To remind me of something I could never forget in a million years, or just to torture me?"

"A bit of both, and I wanted to see you."

"Get out before I find someone who really will break your neck right now."

She turned to walk away, mentally congratulating herself for not turning into a weeping heap, when Shawn got up and grabbed her arm.

"If you stayed with me you would have been happy." he hissed in her ear.

"I'd be dead."

She pulled her arm out of his grip and walked away.


	3. Secrets and things like them

A/N: Wow! Thank you onec again to AnGeL BaBii, reyrey's girl, CeNaZLiLDiVa, REM 4488 and shady-angel821 for reviewing. But I warn you, I think you're in for the long haul here!

Her shift lasted long past the time it was suppose to, and by the time she was going home it was beginning to get dark. She was faced with tomorrow being her first full day with nothing to do but think about everything that was going on, which she hated doing. Emma waved bye to Angela, stepped outside and ran straight into Shawn. She jumped back slightly.

"I'm not scared of you anymore." she told him.

It was a lie, but it had been easier to pretend inside the diner when there where more people.

"I don't want you to be scared of me."

She didn't believe him.

"You where never happy with him where you"

Emma groaned and began to walk.

"Of course I was."

"How could you be? You only went on a handful of proper dates with him. You couldn't of been happy seeing him every so often and getting one phone call a week if your where lucky. Where was he when you where sick? When you woke up in the middle of the night screaming? Where was he when you needed him? Working. Off round the country while you cleaned up after people in this dump and fell deeper into depression. Did you think he ever thought about you? No."

Emma was quiet. She was staring at Shawn letting his words sink in. Was he playing with her mind or was he right?

"There's only one person in the world who can make you as happy as you deserve to be sweetheart, and that's me."

"Do you really think I believe a damn word your saying? I hate you more then anyone in the world."

"Then why are you listening?" Shawn asked with a smile. "Why didn't you walk away earlier?"

"I'm going to walk away now."

Emma turned on her heel prepared to storm off in the opposite direction, but Shawn called after her "You made a mistake leaving me."

She stopped. "Are you forgetting I had to leave you? It was the best thing I ever did."

"It was the worst mistake you ever made."

That sounded like a threat. Emma pulled her bag futhur up her shoulder and ran off.

Once the movie had finished John looked at the clock and reailsed it had been twenty four hours since it had all ended. It felt like an eternity. It still felt unfinished somehow. Maybe it had something to do with not buying her excuse. He felt like there was still so much unanswered and so many things left unsaid. But how did you start a conversation about things like that? He had to see her, he had to see her now. John got up and grabbed his car keys.

Emma arrived home to find the front room full of boxes. She had almost forgot Gretchen was leaving. Gretchen herself was nowhere to be seen, there was a note explaining she had something to do and would be back soon. She didn't care, she couldn't face the barrage of questions, especially not with Shawn now weighing on her mind. God she hated him. He had ruined her life, he was the reason she was who she was and why she couldn't be with John. She sat down. She hated where she was and who she was. Ever since she had moved from Florida her life had gone downhill, everything had been crap with the exception of John and look how that had ended up. What was she still doing there? Emma threw her bag across the room in frustration. It knocked into the mantle piece and sent her ring box crashing to the floor, she didn't bother picking it up, there was someone at the door.

John could tell the front door was open before he had even stopped the car. There was someone outside, someone tall with dark hair and wearing a grey jacket. A man. His first thought was 'that was quick. Maybe he's why she said no.' He briefly thought about turning back. Then he saw Emma, she looked borderline hysterical so he got out. The slam of the car door caused both people to turn around. Emma's expression didn't change, Shawn smiled.

"John! What a nice surprise!"

"What are you doing here?" John snarled, feeling his blood begin to boil at the sight of Shawn.

"I came to see Emma. Is that a crime?"

John stood in front of Emma, blocking her from Shawn's view. "Why don't you just go?"

"I have more of a reason to be here then you do."

"That's laughable."

"Leave it." Emma said, suddenly worrying about what Shawn might say. She grabbed John's arm. "Just close the door."

"You don't really hate me." Shawn said to John.

"Don't I?"

"No. You're just jealous."

"Don't make me laugh." John replied, pushing Emma back into the house and attempting to close the door.

"But I don't blame you, you have everything to be jealous of. I mean she was mine long before he was ever yours. "

Emma saw John ball up his fist and put her hand over it. "Don't." she whispered.

"Shawn, you put the fear of god into her and made her life hell. That doesn't count."

"You think you have her all figured out don't you? But there's so much you don't know. Why don't you ask her all the questions she never really answered John? I don't think you'll like the answer."

Then Shawn was gone.


	4. Decisions made for you

A/N: You lovely people. Thank you to AnGeL BaBii, ohmystars, john-cenawordlife, REM 4488, dixieixa, coors1977, and reyrey'sgirl. For my first fic the response has been far beyond anything I expected. Shawn is not the wonderful HBK. He is, obviously, a very malicious, twisted blast from Emma's past. There is a lot John doesn't know. All will be revealed soon and here is an extra long chapter

"You hit him really hard." Emma stated simply.

"Not hard enough. What was he doing here anyway?"

She shrugged.

"He won't be hanging around for much longer,!"

"You can't force him John." She told him. "I have to live around here remember."

"Your moving, far away from him. You're not safe here."

"I'll be fine if I handle things on my own." She argued.

"Shawn will never leave if you handle things on your own." John told her. "You don't have a good way of dealing with situations."

He didn't mean for his statement to ring true on so many levels.

"Em, I didn't mean it like that." he said.

But Emma ignored him. "I'm sure punching people is the perfect way to deal with things." she said sarcastically.

"Where you even listening to him? "

"Are you?"

"Am I what?" John asked, taken back by her sudden change of tone and subject.

"Jealous of Shawn."

He laughed. "This is ridiculous. What do you think? It seems you would rather hang around a maniac like him then me!"

"Me and you are over! I asked you a simple question, there's no need to take your frustration out on me."

"Your question wasn't simple, it was stupid."

John stood up, he was beginning to feel tense again. "Every time I try to help you, you always drag me into a whole new mess."

"Did I ask you to come here? You just showed up and expected me to be grateful. I never asked for your help!"

"You need it."

Emma picked the ring box up and even thought she knew it was a feeble gesture she hurled it at him. It flew wide.

"Get out!" she screamed.

"Gladly!"

* * *

The plate smashed against the wall accompanied by a loud scream of frustration. It lay in blue bits on the cold kitchen floor and Emma didn't feel any better, but now she was done one plate. Her life was a mess, she was a screw up and she wanted out. Why did John have to show up? Over meant just that. No more them. Didn't he get that? Anger welled up again and this time it was a glass that was victim. She was doing this for him, because no matter what she said she did love him. The door bell rang. Emma stormed out of the kitchen.

"What?" she barked.

"Is he still here?"

Shawn's voice filtered through the letter flap and froze Emma to the bone.

"If you don't leave me alone I'll take you to court." She told him, hating herself for not being able to control her quivering voice. "I'll get a restraining order."

Shawn laughed. "They'll want to know why. How this whole thing all started. You don't have the courage to stand in front of a judge and tell him your deepest, darkest, most humiliating experiences of your life. You'll be stuck with me."

"Just go or I'll call the police or..."

"John? Please. He's not coming to your rescue now is he?"

He would. If Emma called him he'd be there in a heartbeat. But wouldn't that be like saying the break up didn't matter? As much as she hated to admit to Shawn, let alone herself, John wasn't.

"No. He's not."

Another laugh. The kind that made her want to head for the hills.

"Didn't think so. Let me in."

"No."

"Little pig, little pig...."

Shawn's fist came flying through the glass and Emma took flight.

* * *

Even hours later, when John had a chance to cool down and reflect on what had happened, things still didn't make much sense. Everything had spun out of control so fast. He'd gone to talk to Emma and ended up arguing with her. He was wondering whether he should just leave her and let her get on with her own life, after all, that's what she wanted. But he couldn't, he still loved her, he couldn't deny that. He had to help her. By the time he had all of this figured out, it was late. He thought she might be in bed and debated if he should leave it until the morning. Then he saw the broken glass panel in the door. Broken pieces of glass littered the path in front of the door and glittered from the street lamp. It looked bad, out of habit John knocked, he knew if Emma was actually in she wouldn't answer.

"Emma!" he shouted through the hole. "Emma! Are you in?"

From upstairs he heard a noise and made a split second decision to get inside. He reached through the hole and opened the door. There was more glass inside the house. John looked into the living room before running to Emma's room. The door was closed tightly, but there was a light on inside.

"Emma, It's only me."

When the door was pulled open seconds later, Emma's reaction was both angry and relieved. She held a heavy wooden bat over her shoulder as if preparing to swing, before she brought it down to her side.

"He came back and when I wouldn't let him in he broke the window. I grabbed this bat and ran upstairs.

"Did he actually come inside?" John asked.

Emma nodded. "He was right outside here, he tried to get in but I'd locked in. I kept thinking he was going to come back."

She held her hand to her eyes in some attempt to hide the tears that had begun rolling down her face. John put his arms around her and held her close to comfort her.

"Everything's going to be alright."

"How?" she asked. "How is this going to be alright? He's following me and I can't do anything."

"I'll make him leave you alone."

"By punching him until he does? Then what? After you've gone he'll still be around and worse then ever. This exactly why I didn't want you to get involved."

John let go of Emma. "I'm trying to help you here, that's all I've ever tried to do. Now why don't you try and help yourself."

"I am."

"You're not."

"Yes I am. Why can't you let me deal with this myself?" Emma asked.

"Because you can't deal with it, not alone. Shawn makes your life hell. I don't see what he's doing here anyway"

"That's between me and him." Emma told him, folding her arms over chest and sitting down on the floor near the bed. "You don't have to worry about me anymore." she said quietly.

"But I do. Look, your not staying here. Not if there's a chance Shawn will come back."

"I'll be fine."

John pulled Emma up by her elbows. "You won't be. You're coming with me, we'll sort this whole thing out in the morning."

"And then what? When you go on the road he'll be back."

"You won't be here." John told her. "You can come with me."

"I can't and you know why."

"Forget about that for now and just get some stuff together."

"I'm staying here!" she shouted suddenly.

"Emma you asked how it was going to be alright and I'm telling you." he shot back.

She crossed her arms and paced the room. She'd broken up with him so he didn't have to deal with her problems and here he was wanting to take her home, like he said he'd do. She couldn't go with him, but she couldn't stay where she was.

"If I have to throw you over my shoulder and carry you out of here I will." John said. "I'll wait outside for you."

He left the room closing the door behind him with a soft click. Emma stormed over to her dressing table and dragged a brush through her hair as best she could. She dragged a duffle bag from under the bed and threw some clothes in, her toothbrush, hair brush and deodorant. She pulled a denim jacket on over her T-shirt and pushed her feet into her training shoes. As she turned the light out she was sure it couldn't be a good idea. She hated herself for caving.


	5. The Truth

A/N: Thank you to AnGeL BaBii and Jeff'sNo1girlAAF for reviewing. in this chapter you find out a little bit of what went on between Shawn and Emma. keep in mind Shawn is justa n evil nasty person, there's no logic in the things he does, so if it's extreme, it's exactly how it's suppose to be!

Emma hated the dark, and she hated herself for having such a childish fear. She couldn't help it. The dark reminder her of being helpless and scared. She usually slept with the lamp on, but never when she was with John, not even now as he slept on the floor. He couldn't ask questions, he couldn't know.

He knew she wasn't perfect, he didn't need to know she was fucked in the head.

John couldn't sleep that night either, not that Emma knew and he didn't know she was awake. He could see her outline on the bed, lying on her back with her arms clasped together like some statue, she hadn't moved. Everything had turned so complicated so quickly. In nine weeks everything had changed, their lives had been tipped upside down and it didn't seem fair. They'd been happy. Or had they? After all, Emma was obviously unhappy near the end. But that didn't have anything to do with him. Did it? John tried to block the thoughts out of his mind, he didn't want to think about that now, he wanted to sleep. Why couldn't everything just go back to how it use to be? Then again, it hadn't really been perfect had it? Emma was keeping things from him, he knew that. What they where was a different matter all together.

"John, are you still awake?"

Emma voice floated from the bed.

"Yeah." he replied. "I'm awake."

"Oh."

John pushed himself up onto his elbows and could see Emma still lying in the same position.

"I thought you where asleep."

"No. I can't." She paused for just a second and added."You don't have to help me, I can do this on my own."

"Just stop it, we both know you can't. "

"I haven't tried."

"That's a lie."

"No it isn't."

"You lie a lot." John muttered.

"What?"

He shook his head. "Just go back to sleep."

But it was impossible for both of them.

John really wasn't a violent person. But hitting Shawn over and over again seemed to be making him feel better, he hated to say it but he got some sort of sick satisfaction when his knuckles became wet with blood.

"You can't keep me away from her." Shawn taunted from his spot sprawled on his back.

"I can damn well try." John replied hitting him again.

"She broke up with you! She doesn't want you!"

His fist made contact with Shawn's nose again, it had long since broken.

"She didn't want me at first."

"She never wanted you!"

"Did you ever wonder why that was?"

John had grabbed Shawn by the collar and was about to hit him again, but stopped. Shawn smiled, at least that was what John thought it was, his face was a mess.

"You think she's so innocent and perfect, but she's a screw up, a head case, a walking fucking talking catastrophe."

John hit him.

"Don't get mad John, it's true."

And again.

"Want to know how I know? Because I did it to her!"

John threw Shawn away from him. He scrambled backwards like a rat and got to his feet. He ignored the blood streaming down his face.

"Those secrets she's so eager to hide from you, I know them all."

There was something in Shawn's eye, a glint that John could make out between the swelling he caused, something that told him whatever Shawn knew was bad, of course it was.

"It's not my place to tell you all, but I can tell you one. A clue to help you unravel the puzzle."

"What did you do?"

John wondered how much longer he could go on hitting Shawn before he broke his own hand, he was prepared to find out.

"Emma has a scar on the stomach right? Across the middle about eight inches long. What did she tell you it was?"

John had gone cold, Shawn laughed and shook his head, wiping his nose with the back of his hand and turning it a wet crimson.

"A childhood accident? An operation maybe? No. I did it."

John headed towards him again and Shawn backed up, holding his hands in the air.

"Don't think I won't call the police man."

"What did you do to her?"

"Many things, but this? It all started right here in this room....."

When John came home an hour after he'd left, Emma was anxiously waiting. She jumped up and rushed to the front door when she heard it open.

"Well?" she asked fretfully, rushing over to him.

John held out his hands and when she saw the blood she gasped.

"Oh my god!"

"It's not mine."

"He can get you done for assault you know?" Emma pointed out with a heavy sigh.

"He can, but he won't, not if he wants me going to the cops about him."

"You're getting too violent."

"Only towards him."

"Did he hit you?"

"No, I didn't give him a chance."

She examined his hand and he watched her with a horrible sadness. He didn't know if he should say something to her.

"_I can't tell you why, but let's just say she'd gotten on my bad side and was off crying in the corner."_

Emma was frowning. "You're lucky you didn't break any bones.

"_I had to do what I had to do. You can call me every basted name under the sun, it doesn't matter."_

"Oh John. You should of just left it."

"_Hitting her hadn't worked and I'd done it so many times."_

Emma looked up at him. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"_I told the hospital she was mugged, but the kitchen knife was just in my grasp."_

"Emma, I....."

"_You think that's bad. She's lied to you about all this. Who's the bad guy really? Me or her?"_

He showed her his other hand, bruised all around the knuckles and swollen. The last shot at Shawn after he found out.

"Oh Jesus John! It's broken!"

"_I stabbed her, damn near killed her."_

"I did it for you."


	6. I Never Know

A/N; Thank you to AnGeL BaBii, Jeff'sNo1girlAAF and REM4488 for reviewing. It means a lot. Sorry this chapter is so short.

"What happened?" John asked a few minutes later as she attempted to strap his hand up in the kitchen.

"What?"

He couldn't help it, he had to say something to her. John couldn't let this go. "When he stabbed you."

Emma froze for a second and carried on. "What do you know?"

"Only that he did."

She gave a nod. "I'd rather not talk about it." Emma said loudly.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to remember it or relive it in anyway way, shape or form."

John decided not to push her, it was never a good idea to push her. The mere thought of talking about what happened that day seemed to have gotten Emma all worked up. She was working on his hand quickly, but her hands where shaking making it impossible. She grabbed the micro tape she was holding and hurled it across the room with an angry cry before storming over the kitchen and running a cloth under the water. John heard water running and a short while later something heavy and wet hit the wall. When he looked up Emma was leaning over the sink with her head down. The cloth had left a watery trail

"Are you alright?" John asked.

"No I'm not alright!" she barked. "Would you be alright?"

"Hey, calm down." He said standing next to her and putting his hand over hers. "It's over now. "

"It's not over! It's never going to be over between me and him. Never!"

"It will be if you want it to."

"There's too much alright. He's everywhere."

"That's why you're coming to stay with me. "

Emma turned around and eyed him suspiciously, like he was up to something.

"Why do you help me, even when I put you through so much?" she asked.

John didn't give her his real reason, he didn't tell her it was because he loved her, even though part of him suspected she knew.

"Because....I'm a nice guy."

"No man is just a nice guy, they're always after something."

"What could I be after?"

She looked down at his hand. "Something big."

John lay awake once again that night, not because the floor was too hard, he had his bed back now that Emma was all set up in the spare room. There had been an awkward moment when Emma had been heading to his room and had to correct herself. John was beginning to think her being there wasn't such a good idea. It was like they never broke up, he couldn't move on and it would lead toâ.messiness later. But she needed him. There was no one else. He had a sudden scary thought, what if she didn't need him, what if he needed her? He chased that away. How could she cope with Shawn all by herself?

Emma was thinking the same thing. Saying she'd done it before was a lie, because ending up in hospital having to be stitched back up wasn't coping with him. It was so wrong for her to be with John. They would never work on any level. There had been a point when she had tried to kid herself, she'd shut her eyes and for a second she could see them together forever. Then reality would flood back with a huge slap in the face. Emma could never be with anyone, it wasn't fair. She had to leave, not just John but Massachusetts. Where was a mystery, all she knew was that she had to go. Soon. For him.


	7. It's Better This Way

A/N; Thank you to AnGeL BaBii, REM 4488 and Jeff'sNo1girlAAF for reviewing.

It reminded Emma of a scene she had once seen in Buffy, where she left town after killing Angel, only Emma hadn't killed anyone. It was a dramatic exit though, John had left that morning telling her he would call to check up on her. Soon after Emma had packed her own bag and gone straight to the coach station. The coach to Florida was relatively empty and she settled herself for a long trip. Bye bye Shawn, bye bye John and hello to all the things she left behind in the first place.

The house was falling apart, exactly how she remembered and in a strange way that comforted Emma when she arrived two days later. She knocked on the door with rattled on it's rusty hinges and a short while later Helen Flynn appeared on the other side, drying her hands on a cloth. She looked at her daughter as though she was a stranger.

"No we don't want insurance, or oven cleaner and we're happy with our religion."

Emma rolled her eyes. Helen's nose wrinkled, her eyes narrowed and her lips became a thin, stretched line as recognition washed over her.

"Oh, it's you."

"Of course it's me. Who else would visit this hell hole?"

Helen didn't move from the doorway, she was looking at all the changes that had happened in six and a half years. Emma was doing the same, Helen's wiry hair was now streaked with grey, her bony face contrasted with her cuddly body, but Emma had no desire to cuddle Helen what so ever.

"Can I come in or not?" Emma asked eventually.

"Typical you. You think you can just turn up unexpectedly, uninvited and think you can stay."

Emma rolled her eyes. She didn't care, she had nowhere else to go and it wasn't like she wanted to be there. This was a last resort after all. Of course she wasn't going to tell Helen that. In the back room she could hear a television on and for the first time since getting on the coach the panic in her stomach subsided. One of her brothers was there. Lying on his back on a fading blue sofa was Ryan, the youngest of Emma's four older brothers and a year older then her.

"Surprise." she greeted.

He lowered his magazine and jumped off the sofa. "Jesus Emma! What....I mean, you....god!"

He hugged her. Her brothers had always taken care of her, they had to. Helen and Emma's father James had never wanted a fifth child, especially not a girl. Helen blamed Emma for James leaving the family and she had never treated her right. She hated it once Emma hit puberty and started to rebel. Running away must of made Helen sing with joy.

"I feel like you've been away forever! Where have you been?"

"Massachusetts, working as a waitress."

"Why didn't you call?" Ryan asked, pulling away from her.

"No point."

Ryan sighed and sat down, patting the seat next to him. Emma could of happily fallen asleep there

"You look different." Ryan said, staring at her.

"I am six years older." she laughed running her fingers through her hair.

"No, it's not that. It something else. Why are you back? What happened?"

Emma felt a sudden urgency to tell Ryan everything. Her whole history with Shawn, what happened with John and why she had to leave him. How much it hurt that she did and how she hated herself for doing this to him. But that would defeat the whole purpose of being there in the first place. Why drag her past with her?

"I just am. Isn't that all that matters?"

The first thing John noticed when he arrived home was how quiet and clean the house was. Emma not answering the phone had him fearing the worst, that all seemed to be confirmed now that her clothes weren't thrown around the way. The answering machine was flashing with all the messages he left and sitting on the mantelpiece was a folded piece of paper with his name on in Emma's handwriting. The message was simple:

_Thank you for all you've done. But I have to go. It's better this way._

_-Emma x_

His first thoughts was that she had gone back to her own place, but her house keys where on the arm of the chair where she had left them exactly a week before. John ripped up the letter. He couldn't keep calm and remind himself that they where broken up and she was an adult. She was gone and why?

_It's better this way_

Who for?


	8. I Keep It To Myself

A/N: Thank you to AnGeL BaBii, REM4488 and Jeff'sNo1girlAAF for reviewing. Your comments and compliments mean so much!

Later that night, Emma found herself sitting on the old porch swing in the front garden watching the sun set. It would have been romantic if it hadn't been cold and if she wasn't seething thanks to a fight with Helen. It had a started an innocent question from Ryan.

"So, what was it like working as a waitress?"

Helen had laughed under her breath.

"What?" Emma had demanded.

"Nothing. I must say being a waitress is much better then what I had imagined. "

"What exactly did you imagine?"

"Divorced mother of four."

"Much better then divorced mother if five." Emma had replied.

The room had gone so deathly quiet you could hear a pin drop. Helen calmly put down her fork and wiped her mouth.

"Your Father would still be here if it wasn't for you."

"I never asked to be born."

"And I never asked for you either."

Six years ago she would have been able to handle that, but it was so different when she was hearing it all over again, it just made her feel worse. What the hell was she doing there? Wasn't this the place she ran away from at 18 in the dead of night? She couldn't of stayed up there though, a clean break somewhere far away would have been the better option. Too late now, she was there and leaving would just give Helen something else to complain about. She was stuck there for awhile.

Angela just shook her head.

"I would love to help really, but Emma just came in here to quit, I don't know where she went."

The diner was empty, the breakfast shift was over and the lunch rush had yet to begin. Angela had nothing better to do then talk to John. He was getting frustrated, he was sure he knew something about Emma.

"Didn't she break up with you?" Cassidy asked, inviting herself into the conversation.

"Cassidy!"

"Well it's true isn't it? Why are you chasing after her when she isn't interested."

"It's not that." John told her defensively. "It's...why am I explaining myself to you? Where is she?"

"If I knew I'd tell you just for the entertainment." Cassidy said before heading off to refill the coffee pot. John went back to Angela.

"Please Angela, this is important."

"Why? Cassidy is right, she broke up with you."

"This isn't about me and Emma as a couple, this is about her and...," John stopped himself.

He couldn't explain this any futhur with going into the whole thing with Shawn and he was pretty much in the dark about that. A horrible part of him was beginning to think Angela had a point. If Emma had gone she was out of Shawn's way and what was the point in chasing her. She didn't love him, right?

"John, Emma is complicated at the best of times, but if she left there was a reason and if she didn't tell you where she was going, then there's a reason for that too."

He nodded, she was right.

Emma didn't sleep well, awful memories packed in the small bedroom haunted her all night and her mind ticked over with a million and one things. Do first think later, that was her motto and it always landed her in shit. Such as running away, she ended up the way she was. She ran into Shawn and...what happened was something she would keep a secret forever. That was what she vowed anyway, but now she was beginning to think it wasn't such a good idea. After all, had anything good happened? If she'd told someone it probably would have been therapy and she might even be engaged now. Emma knew enough though to know how people like her where treated, like they had done something wrong. She couldn't take that, she'd had enough to put up with besides having to put up with a group of strangers judging her. The bedroom had no curtains, light was coming through the window. She missed John.


	9. Each Night

A/N: I feel really bad because I think I'm going to let you all down when you find out what the secret is! I hope not. Thank you to AnGeL BaBii, JeffsNo1girlAAF, Alice N. Wonderland and REM4488

_It was dark and inside her own head she was screaming, but the words never reached her lips. The kitchen floor was cold and no matter how hard she pressed against her stomach, the blood kept coming. Soaking through her clothes and dripping onto the floor._

"_Shawn?" she whimpered._

_He laughed at something on the television._

"_Shawn?"_

"_What?"_

"_Shawn, I think...." her voice trembled. God it all hurt. "I think I need to go, to the hospital."_

"_It's nothing."_

_She moved her arm, it was stained red from blood._

"_I'm bleeding."_

"_Knives will do that to you. It's nothing."_

"_But Shawn...."_

_He got up out of his chair and made his way towards her. She could still see blood on his hands. He looked down at her and the mess she was in._

"_It's nothing."_

_A sob of pain escaped from her lips._

"_Don't start crying!" he shouted._

_She backed up, but there was nowhere else to go. He snatched the knife up, it was still lying a few feet away from her._

"_I don't deserve this!" she screamed. _

"_Do you think she deserved what happened to her? Do you?" _

"_Shawn, I'm bleeding."_

"_Shut up or you'll bleed more."_

_He tossed the knife down onto the worktop and she slumped to the floor. The tiles where cool against her face._

"_I'm bleeding." she whispered_

_It wouldn't stop._

Emma woke up feeling sick and sweating. She stumbled out of bed and towards the window, desperate for fresh air. It was still dark. Mentally she was warning herself to breath, but her mouth wouldn't open to take the breaths. She was crying, she couldn't stop. Then her mouth opened and out came a gasp, followed by loud sobs she couldn't control. Her legs gave way and she sank to the floor, holding onto the window sill for support.

"I'm sorry John." she cried. "I'm so sorry."

The bedroom door rattled with a knock.

"Be quiet!" Helen warned.

"And I'm sorry Halley. I really am."

"Be quiet! I mean it!"

"I want to go home."

"Emma!"

She couldn't go on like this. Not for much longer. But what could she do?


	10. Nothing Compares

John couldn't concentrate on anything he did. He couldn't stop thinking about Emma and he hated it. He wished he could just forget about her and move on. She had. Running off had proved that to him, Emma didn't need him anymore. If he could only ask for one thing from the whole thing, he would of wanted to know what her big secret was, because that seemed to be the key to everything else. It seemed that was wishing for too much. John wondered where she was, probably with her family and if John had any idea where he family where he'd be there. But he didn't. One of her many little mysteries. Anyway, what kind of relationship could they have had if she kept simple things from him? Plus, she didn't love him. It was all too messed up, he should have been glad she was gone, no more complications. He could just get on with his life, and that was all he wanted, and if he kept telling himself that he might start to believe it.

It was unhealthy, it really was and she knew it. Holding onto the past like that was wrong, she couldn't help it. If she had more courage, more guts she'd have told John everything. But she was a coward. Ryan had threatened to kill her of she didn't stop laying 'Nothing compares 2 u', Emma was now switching between that and 'It must have been love', just to even it up. Helen liked to wonder out loud why Emma was there is the first place, all her scenarios seemed to involve drugs in some way. She was getting harder to block out. Ryan had taken her out the night before with her eldest brother Rob and practically threw her one some random guy. She wasn't interested, she just wanted John and she couldn't have him so she didn't want anyone at all. In a few months she might feel different, but that was ahead of her and when she felt so and it was hard to think about that. Emma was sitting outside on the step watching Ryan attempt to fix his bike and failing miserably. She had no idea what she would of done without all of her brothers growing up? Maybe she could go stay with one of the others, sure they all had girlfriends, but anything, and she meant anything would be better then staying with Helen. She found it very hard to believe they had the same genes.

"I don't want to be here at all." Emma thought.

She had no choice, after all what was she going to do? Run back to John, tell him the truth and face the consequences? No way.

"Emma, are you alright?" Ryan called.

"No." she replied.

"Why? What's up?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Really? Try me."

Emma thought for a second and then she did.

"I lied to someone I loved. He asked me to marry him and I turned him down and came here."

Ryan stopped cleaning some part of the bike and looked at his sister.

"You didn't."

"I did."

"Why? Because you're officially insane? You turned down someone you love to come here?"

"You make it sound so insignificant." Emma told him

Ryan shook his head again. "Why did you lie?"

The words where right there in her head and although she didn't say them she could imagine:

"_Well Ryan, it all started when I was 18, naive and had ran away from home...."_

The messages of John's phone was off Cassidy, five simple words that made is heart slame and made him feels lightly sick. The back story of the message didn't matter, he didn't want to know incase he jinxed it.

'I kno where Emma is'


	11. 1000 Miles

n/n: sorry for the delay.

Emma remembered afterwards, after it was all over and she still couldn't move her arms or legs, long after Shawn had fallen asleep and she'd managed to roll off the bed, but was lying on the floor. She hurt all over, and that was the truth, every single part of her hurt, but there was nothing she could do about it. She could taste blood from her nose, it had bled and run down her face, she'd been unable to wipe it away so it ran into her mouth leaving her with a horrible slightly metallic taste. Her face was sticky and that morning, when everything had been alright seemed an impossibly long time away. Shawn grunted and for a horrible moment she was terrified he'd wake back up. In her head she could hear what sounded like Helen's voice

"Well, this is what you deserve. What we expected of you."

That wasn't really fair, even Emma with no self confidence or anything like that knew she hadn't deserved that. Nobody did, nobody deserved to be raped.

The memory had crept up on Emma during dinner that night and she suddenly felt so sick she had to put her hand over her mouth. So there it was, part one of the trilogy of Shawn fucking her up.

"Something the matter!" Helen demanded. "My cooking not good enough for you!"

Go to hell, Emma thought, but she wasn't in the mood for a fight.

"I don't feel well, I'm going to bed."

"From now on cook your own meals!"

It took all of her strength not to hurl the plate against the wall and give Helen the finger, but she managed it. Tomorrow was a new day, her chance to start over when she started her new job. Tomorrow, she was sure everything would start being ok. But how many times had she said that to herself?

As much as he wanted to, John couldn't just charge down to Florida, throw Emma over his shoulder and go home. First of all he didn't know what he was going to say that he hadn't already said before, and it would have to be good to convince her that nothing else besides them mattered. What that was, he didn't know, but he was sure once he saw her it would all work out. It took two weeks before John got the time to make the drive down the Florida, which took the better part of two days including a break, which meant if he was going to catch his flight to California for the shows he had six hours to change her mind. He thought up a million things to say by the time he pulled up outside the run down house that was the address he'd been given, but none of them seemed right. He stopped the car, ready to get out, but his legs didn't seem to want to move. What if she really didn't love him and already had someone else? Then he would of come all this way for nothing. But what about Shawn? He wasn't just an ex, there was so much more too it that he was still missing and John was sure he had a lot to do what was going on. He got out the car and walked up to the door where he rang the bell. A women answered, a women with a bony face but a round body, she looked at him over the top of her glasses.

"Yes." she snapped.

"Hi, you don't know me but my name is John Cena and…"

"Whatever it is, no!"

The women went to shut the door and when John put his foot in the way, her face went red with outrage.

"Excuse me! Ryan call the police!"

"No, Mrs. Flynn, I'm here to see your daughter."

He didn't think it was possible, but her eyes narrowed even further.

"I'm….a friend."

"Oh that can't be good! What do you want to see _her _for? Dose she owe you money? Are you here to give her an alibi? Nothing would surprise me. She isn't home, she's in work. The jewellery store called Berkley's. Go bug her there and if she's in trouble with the police I want her out."

Then she shut the door and for a moment John thought he'd got the wrong house, then he got back in his car.

The women in front of Emma nodded approvingly as she showed her a diamond necklace worth a ¼ of a million. Emma felt slightly wrong handling something so expensive.

"And it is platinum?" the women drawled, she was already dripping in jewellery.

"Yes Mrs. Kane, just as you requested."

"Fabulous. Here's the check."

She slid it towards Emma across the glass counter.

"Lock it away in the safe and my husband will pick it up later."

Then without a second glance she was gone and Emma rolled her eyes. If only she could go around picking platinum jewellery whenever she pleased. She was putting the box back in the safe, under the supervision of her manager when the bell rang and the security guard called.

"Emma! Customer."

"I'll finish this." the manger said, waving her away. "Fix your name tag."

She rolled her eyes, remembered to spit in his coffee and headed out into the shop, then wished she didn't. There was John, just standing there as if nothing had happened.

"Hi." he greeted.

Emma couldn't handle this.


	12. Not Far Enough

She couldn't breath, seriously, and she had to hold onto the counter just to stop herself from fainting.

"I guess Florida isn't far enough." she said.

"I had to talk to you."

"Why? John, we've been through this. I don't love you, and why are you chasing me around the country?"

"Because I don't believe you."

Emma threw her arms up in the air and shouted so loudly the manager came running out.

"Why would I lie about that?"

"I don't know, but it as something to do with Shawn, I can tell."

"Miss Flynn, this isn't the place for personal matters." the manager hissed at her, casting a glance at John. "Can you and your friend continue this discussion outside."

"My lunch isn't for another hour, so you'd better go." she told John.

"No, go now. It's ok."

The manager practically pushed her from behind the counter and she stormed out the shop with John following.

"What has Shawn said to you?" Emma demanded without looking at him.

"Nothing new. But it's pretty obvious that there's something else going on and that's why you broke up with me."

"Don't try and analyse me John, really. Why can't you just except what I told you and leave it? Go get a nice rebound girl and leave me here."

"I'm not stupid Emma, so why don't you just tell me."

"There's nothing to tell."

"You're lying."

"I'm not!"

She stopped suddenly when she realised she had no idea where she was walking to and pushed her hair out of her face.

"Don't do this to me John, please, I can't do this."

"Just answer one question and then, I'll leave."

Fine, Emma thought. Fine, whatever. Just go away, leave me alone.

"Ok. What?"

"What's the real reason?"

She couldn't tell him the truth, but she wanted him to go, she wanted to admit defeat, but what would he think of her?

"Because John, you really shouldn't get mixed up with a girl like me, really."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"I thought it was only one question?" she said and then she turned and went back to work.

Emma didn't want dinner, she lay in her room, in the dark and was proud of herself for not crying. It was dark and every time she shut her eyes she could see John and then flashes of Halley.

"Please don't make me remember that." she whispered putting her hands over her face. "Not now."

But it was too late, it was coming back to her…

John felt like a stalker parked outside the Flynn House, but he had ninety minutes left and he didn't come this far just to leave it this way. He need answers, and, god forbid he should sound like a character from a chick flick, he need closure. John took a deep breath, opened the car door and stepped out.


	13. Short Truths

Ryan rescued her from the memory by announcing there was someone to see her and she wasn't surprised to see John waiting outside.

"Not now." Emma said simply.

"I just don't get it, none of this makes sense. I was already mixed up with a girl like you and there was nothing wrong with you."

She sighed and leaned against the wall, half listening for noise in the kitchen that would indicate Helen was listening but the kitchen was silent.

"You really have no idea."

"Then tell me."

"Its not that simple!" she shouted suddenly, because it really wasn't and she was tired of pretending that it was. Like she could just let go of everything and it would all make sense.

"Yes it is, just tell me and then we can work it out."

"I've been trying to work it out for six years and look where it got me! It got me stuck back here."

She motioned to the house behind her and then covered her face in a vain bid to keep it all together, otherwise she was going to lose it and she'd tell John everything and that would cause all sorts of trouble. The thought crossed Emma's mind so suddenly at first she didn't even pay it any attention and then it came back again.

"Why not tell him? He'll leave and so what if he thinks any less of you? You two are over and you live here now."

She looked up at John who was still standing in the same position.

"Did you really come all this way just for some answers?"

The truth was no, he'd come to talk to her and hopefully take her back with him but he couldn't tell her that now, not when she was looking at him like she was going to start crying and fall apart at the seams.

"Yes." he lied. "I just want some answers. I want to know what else there is between you and Shawn and why you think you're such a bad person."

Emma nodded and wiped her eyes. "Then will you leave?"

Another yes and another lie, once he knew the truth he'd find it impossible to leave Emma alone.

"I was raped." She stated simply as though it was the most normal thing in the whole thing, which was ironic seeing as how she'd been torn apart.

"By Shawn?"

"Yeah."

Before John could even process the information, Emma started talking again, she didn't want to give John time to react.

"I thought he'd leave me alone but somehow he found out I was pregnant and I sort of became his hostage. I never left his apartment and I was too scared to phone anyone, he hadn't hit me during the pregnancy but there was a first time for everything. Once the baby was born I'd be stuck with Shawn forever he knew it and every single day I prayed for my baby to die, then she did."

Another shrug as if it was nothing, but Emma wasn't looking at John.

"As soon as they gave me Halley I felt so guilty about how I'd felt because she was my daughter and I loved her. But there was something wrong, her lungs where undeveloped and she was really sick. I got to hold Halley twice before she died and that was it. She was three days old."

Emma left the sentence hanging like there was something else to add to it, but she didn't. She slid to the floor and John kneeled in front of her.

"Is that why you think you're a horrible person? Because she died?"

She nodded. "Its not just that though, its everything. I failed everyone, Halley, my family, you. I wanted to tell you everything but I thought you'd think…differently of me."

"How?"

"I don't know, but you should go now."

Emma tried to push him away but John grabbed her hands.

"Not without you."

"We're over, everything still stands. I can't let you get back with me."

"You can't stay here." John said. "Not like this. Come with me, everything will be ok."

John was right and wrong at the same time, Emma knew it. She couldn't stay there, not in a place she tried so hard to escape from but no matter what anyone told her she knew everything wasn't going to be ok.


End file.
